HOW TO RESTART A FAILED MARRIAGE

HOW TO RESTART A FAILED MARRIAGE Every marriage vow is built on the foundation of permanence. And at inception, it is the dream of every married couple to experience a lifetime of marital joy, peace, and harmony. But in many cases, it is not so as the earth is filled with grieving and disappointed spouses who have either been abandoned, separated or divorced by partners who once professed undying love to them. However, for as long as the partners are still alive, there are still abundant opportunities for reconciliation. In order to avoid the same untold agonies that led to the current nightmare or imbroglio, certain actions has to be taken. That is the subject of this post; to open the eyes of married coupes to the things they must do in order to achieve true reconciliation. (1) DO AN INTERNAL AUDIT OF YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES As you seek for reconciliation with your spouse, you must first conduct an internal audit of your marital experience. Ask yourself, what are the circumstances that led to our parting of ways? Why did we separate? What actually happened? Who caused the separation? Was it because of unfaithfulness? Was it as a result of lack of care, constant fighting, bad use of words, childlessness, constant nagging, drunkenness, passion for gambling, economic hardship, lack of interest in spiritual matters? Have you been able to identify the real reasons behind your break-up? Have those issues been resolved? Or are you both willing to absorb the heat and weather the storms of your marriage together? These are vital questions that must be answered in order to achieve true reconciliation. (2) HOW HAVE YOU GROWN SINCE YOUR SEPARATION In what ways have you grown from the man or woman you used to be? Remember, until you advance emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, you may still not be in the position to withstand the pressures that pulled down your relationship. Leave the changes in your spouse for now. Focus on yourself. And ask these important questions? Have I learnt patience? Am I willing to burn all exit points in my relationship with the intention to stay attached and committed to the marriage despite of all odds? In what ways have I actually improved since our separation? Have I been reading books on marriage and family building and management? Have I been attending marriage seminars and programs? Have I been receiving marriage advice from older experienced couples? If your answers are YES, then you may actually have been improving without knowing it. Always remember that new wine can never rest well in an old wineskin. For as long as you remain in your old habits, views, opinions, and values, you will encounter the same challenges and probably end in the same pit. There has to be a paradigm shift before your reconciliation process can become firm. (3) HAVE YOU BROKEN AWAY FROM THE CULTURES AND HABITS THAT ENDANGERED YOUR UNION Obviously, there are habits and cultures that undermined your marriage relationship. Have you been able to put them far away from you? They may include acts of infidelity, gambling, rudeness, drunkenness, substance abuse, associating with bad friends, laziness, etc? Until you break free from these unwholesome habits, you may still find yourself walking on the same tight rope of marital failure. (4) DO YOU POSSESS NEW INFORMATION OR LEARNT NEW HABITS What new information or habits do you hope to inject into the relationship for the purposes of restoring peace, joy and harmony? What more can you give to make the marriage work again? Do you have more time for your spouse than before? Will you be willing to show a higher level of care and commitment to your mate than ever before? Are you prepared to honor and reverence him/her more? Can you commit to strategically build up yourself through quality marriage seminars and retreats? Three seminars every year for the next five years will do the magic. Have you created and developed crystal clear steps to heal the wounds of your marriage and restore the needed harmony and peace? (5) ARE YOU WILLING TO FIND AND CONFIDE IN A MENTOR Are you both willing to find and confide in a mentor, preferably an older and more experienced couple whose marriage is a reflection of what you truly desire to attain? You will really need their spiritual and emotional back-up for the journey ahead. They shall hold you accountable every step of the way; investing their time and knowledge in your relationship and helping you to navigate through the difficult terrains of life. You will therefore need to be completely open and trusting in your dealings with them.

For any couple that have parted ways for a considerable length of time, and who desire a come-back, the above suggestions are the pointers to consider as they seek for reconciliation. They should meticulously search their hearts in the light of prevailing circumstances. When these pointers are proactively and successfully addressed, the reconciliation will be stronger and long-lasting.